Breathless
by Rachel Hawkins
Summary: A one-shot written during season 5, for those Skaters who thought our favorite couple deserved a better reunion.


**Breathless**

**by Rachel Hawkins**

He'd tried, damn it.

For three long, agonizing years, Sawyer had done everything he could to forget Kate, and everything he'd felt for her. He'd fought his memories, fought the past. She was gone, and after Locke had been gone for several months, he'd been convinced that she was never coming back.

Forgetting her had not been easy, but he was a practical man, and he'd convinced himself that forgetting was the only thing he could do and still stay sane. After all, it took every ounce of his cunning and wits to keep up the charade he'd perpetuated, to keep the Dharma bastards from learning the truth. If any one of them suspected that he was not Jim LaFleur, that Jin, Juliet, and Miles were not who they were supposed to be, then they were all dead.

He'd been balanced on a knife's edge for three years, and now he felt himself teetering. He leaned against the side of the Jeep and watched Jin pull the van to a stop. The side door opened, and he felt his heart beat hard as he saw a sight he'd never expected to see again. Hurley climbed from the van and stood aside as Jack climbed out after him. He could only remove his glasses and stare in disbelief. Three years, and they were back.

And then Jack and Hurley separated, and he felt himself fall from the edge of the knife. For three long years he'd tried to forget her. He'd tried to move on, and told himself that his feelings for Kate were dead and buried.

He'd never told a bigger lie in his life.

Because there she stood, hanging back, a hesitant smile on her lips, and it was like the past three years just melted away. He snorted to himself, because he was not a man given to romantic thoughts or gestures. And yet, his heart beat faster just at the sight of her. For a moment he forgot about his life back at the barracks, forgot about the charade he'd started, forgot everything except for her.

He stepped forward to meet the trio, and chuckled as he was engulfed by the boisterous Hurley. He nodded to Jack, wondering at the look on the other man's face. Was that uncertainty he saw on the doctor's face?

But he forgot about Jack as he extricated himself from Hurley's embrace. He looked over the big man's shoulder and saw Kate standing by the door of the van, her hands clasped in front of her, seemingly unsure of what to do next. This from Fearless Kate, always the first one to charge into the jungle at the first hint of danger? Kate, who could never be left behind?

"Kate," he murmured, taking a few steps to close the space between them.

"James," she said, her lips curling into a grin at the same time a sheen of tears washed over her eyes.

She took a hesitant step forward. He opened his arms, and then she was there. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his own arms closed around her back. He clutched her close to him, and their bodies fit together like pieces of a puzzle. He dipped his head and buried his nose in her hair, closing his eyes and inhaling the lingering scent of her shampoo. He was a professional con man, but he couldn't lie to himself worth a damn. Because in this moment he realized something. He's been trapped on an island for a lot longer than three years. Ever since the deaths of his parents, he'd been adrift, half-dead just off shore with no way to get back, no way to belong.

But Kate was his bridge. They fit, and she brought him to life in a way that nobody else ever had. She'd opened his eyes, and then she'd disappeared.

He cupped her face in his hands and tilted her head back so he could look in her eyes. Teartracks marred her cheeks, but in no way detracted from her beauty. She was Kate. She pushed him, she infuriated him, frustrated him to hell and back. And she made him feel alive. Made him want to be the kind of man he'd never been before.

"Ah, hell, Freckles," he whispered, and dipped his head to fasten his lips to hers. She made a sound in the back of her throat and clutched at the back of his jumpsuit. Her lips opened beneath his, and three years of separation, three years of pain and regret and sadness melted away in an instant.

Kate could have wept from wanting. She pressed herself against him, her tongue snaking out to find and tangle with his. She'd tried to forget about him over the past three years. She'd told herself to focus on Aaron. He had to be her priority, and she couldn't waste time wishing for something that could never be. But no matter what she'd done, Sawyer had always been there. She couldn't count the number of times he'd invaded her dreams. She'd never been able to get him out of her head.

She'd fought tooth and nail against coming back to the island. Because she had Aaron, and because she believed, feared in her heart of hearts, that Sawyer was dead. And if he was dead, why the hell would she come back to this place? She'd had her own reasons for going ahead with it and getting on the plane, for coming back to this place that had caused so much pain.

And then, she'd climbed out of the van and been stunned into immobility. Because there he was, standing in front of a shiny Jeep, looking as healthy as the last time she'd seen him.

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block the flow of tears that threatened. She'd never expected to see him again, but being in his arms again, the last three years simply faded into nothing. She was in his arms, and it was right where she was supposed to be. She met him with lips and teeth and tongue, with all of the emotion she hadn't realized had stayed bottled up for the past three years.

Sawyer pulled away reluctantly, but couldn't quite let go of her. He ran his hands up and down her arms, meeting her gaze with barely suppressed desire. "We don't have a lot of time here, Freckles. I've got to get you all back to the barracks before someone suspects something and everything is blown to hell."

"What are you talking about? And why are you wearing a Dharma jumpsuit?"

He reluctantly dropped his hands from her arms and told them all the story. The year, the Dharma Initiative, the lies he'd told to keep everyone safe. He told them about the incoming sub, and his plan to turn them into new recruits. After Jin drove off in a frenzy, he got everyone in the van and drove away from the clearing.

He glanced over at Kate, who sat in the passenger seat beside him. "Lot of things have changed in the last three years," he murmured. "We gotta pretend like we ain't never seen each other before today."

She glanced over at him. Instead of responding to his statement she said, "I never would have pictured you working for the Dharma Initiative."

"Yeah, me neither. But here we are, and the only way to keep everyone safe is to lie."

Kate's lips quirked, and she turned to look out the side window. "It'll hardly be the first lie I ever told." She tried not to think about how hard it would be to see him and pretend she didn't know him. Now that she was back here, and he was sitting only a couple feet away from her, how was she supposed to pretend he was a stranger?

"But it's the most important," he muttered, equally unhinged. He lived with Juliet, for God's sake, but he could suddenly think of nothing but the woman beside him. The one woman he couldn't have. The one he suddenly wanted more than his next breath.

They were silent for a time as they drove, each of them lost in their own thoughts, their own memories, their own regrets. Moments before he pulled into the Dharma camp, Kate turned to him and said, "I did it, you know."

"Did what?"

"That day, in the chopper on the way to the freighter..." She shook her head and huffed out a breath. Those final moments on the chopper were not things she liked to remember. "I kept my promise. I did what you asked." She didn't think about what it had cost her. The cost hadn't mattered.

They shared a long look, but before he had a chance to respond they pulled into the camp and were in sight of a number of people who had the power to destroy their lives.

"Remember," Sawyer said to everyone, "we never met before today." He pulled the key from the ignition and opened his door, but before he climbed out he murmured quietly to Kate, "I don't know how any of this is going to work, but nothing is over until I say it's over."

And then he climbed from the van to resume his role as Jim LaFleur, Dharma security chief. But with Kate suddenly back, he knew it would be a damn sight harder to keep up the charade. But until he could figure out what the hell to do, for her sake, he had to keep it up. It was the only way to survive.


End file.
